What is Self Confidence – Understand my way

Self Confidence; a weapon/tool which is with oneself yet we give out this to other person authority to use it against us

Top 10 Self Confidence Formulae- SELF CONFIDENCE is that tool which if categorized in ranking would come before Money, fate or fame. It is this tool is missing in oneself leads to loss of all three mentioned above. Well quite wide to proclaim that this is the reason which leads to all three money, fate and fame. If this is missing, then most prominently one would blame first is Fate and correspondingly

Self Confidence – Self humiliation

This is the tool which is easily identified in a person with gait, overall looks and gesture and lastly the countenance. We would scope our self near first closest relation to self-confidence and leave the indirect relatives of it. The very seed of it is sown at the time of childhood right from home and schooling/surroundings. What kind of words and affirmation a child is exposed to leads to current state of Self-confidence in any one

Fundamental Thinking What is Self Confidence – Understand my way

It is quite derogatory to say that self-confidence when exploited leads to its step brother called as EGO. Ego and anger are quite pally with each other and go hand in hand with themselves. They always love to live with each other and abide by the house rules of the person and make the person follow house rules too. Ego is the one who acts like a seed and germinates to anger slowly in person

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. “ Vincent Van Gogh

To explain Top 10 Self Confidence Formulae; One of the bad fact is that ego does not need any friend or foe i.e. any element to get it triggered any time. It is triggered without any reason too and does not see the other side of home rule

Ego rises with size and stature of the person and it is definitely nourished by few elements mentioned below:

• Less knowledge or no knowledge
• No focus of thinking pattern
• Verbal, pictorial & gestures
• High confidence on grapevine
• Amount of money, brand awareness, social status
• Body language
• Bank accounts
• Types of indulgence
• Loud voice of other person

Note: the peculiar quality of this person is condescending voice tone!!

Beauty of this word is that person with no self-confidence falls in to trap of self-humiliation at all times. Person feels like neglected in all respects of life, relationship and social environment. Irony of this word is that if it is not corrected in stages then it would lead to large extent of multi-dimensional impact on one’s life and relationship too.

On the other hand, SELF CONFIDENCE leads to following:

• Confidence to take decisions independently irrespective of listening to every one
• Well defined body language & gestures
• Great social culture and circle even if person is introvert, and have closed group of social life
• Ability to lead and be the center of topics and conversation
• Most important, ability to say no and “excuse me” wherever required
• Email communication would definitely show the effect
• Well defined library of words customized within itself
• “try out” attitude instead of “failing before trying”

I am not a good propagator of word called as positive thinking, as I consider this as a mental frame of mind which is constantly influenced by “Internal thoughts” and “communication inside”. So the key elements which can lead to positive thinking are not thinking itself but the self-confidence only.  So the very first step to try is to develop or do activities which would inculcate confidence in person.

Activities which can be tried to retain or develop self-confidence are:

• Respect, respect and respect yourself more i.e. respect yourself more than anyone( people suffering from this would definitely understand my point as they generally end up giving more respect to other person in where they knowingly neglect their self-respect in smallest things in front of them. In end, the other person starts taking you for a ride or granted)
• Make more confirm gestures or stances i.e. when you make a stand for any topic, you should have reason or logic for it, if you have don’t, don’t utter a word. Speak slowly and graciously so that other person has to wait to come to your end point; to start, any one would not like it but would definitely start accepting you when you continue doing the same with logical answers
• Take decisions independently which means when you take decisions, you should have Pros and Cons clear in your mind, it should not sound a fluke of thought which had led you to take decisions
• There are people who really want you to be confident but they can’t say that to you because of your care free attitude “ saying, I don’t care as what others say”
• I would not say “believe in yourself” as this is a much misused word because this thing comes with confirmed thought patters which the person lacks. It won’t come over night unless until habit of seeing pros and cons i.e. positives and negatives comes or develops
•  Now very rude fact: accept yourself as you are in front of mirror. By this I mean, you have to accept yourself as by face, color, nose, eyes, hair, complexion ( very important), height and overall looks. Apart from that, things like habit, attitude and other things can be changed and should change for good. Because please understand that if someone likes you, he/she has to accept you as a whole with all things cause nothing is separable at all
• Please start taking care of your looks as what you wear and what you should not wear. Well, I am a firm believer in this fact that there is nothing wrong in any outfit but occasion and timing of the outfit does make a sense most of the time
• Like now a days people go by public opinions, it’s a good or bad practice, I am not making anyone to fall into this trap, but make sure to maintain a safe distance from this point
• Remember, even smallest yes and no matters in communication so make sure to use your opinions  wisely when and where
• Remember one thing, you cannot justify to everyone in this world but you can to people who matters in your life i.e. prioritize your decision making as per this choice when there is a direct or indirect linkage

My Believe System:

The very first word of this note itself is a catch to understand i.e. “my believe system” and that is absolutely true to take into consideration before any thing gets started for self-improvement in any one’s life. This believe system takes a toll when you have this most contagious habit of “self-humiliation”

I have already mentioned that people having less confidence about them are easily identified with certain qualities or habits which are the cause of more self-degradation in thinking which the cardinal part to cure  

Let us take an example to understand this point more clearly:

• Before we go down on this, watch this in yourself or in around you.
  • Do have friends or colleagues who consider you not worth while talking or taking decisions in group?
  • Do they bully you whenever there is an opportunity?
  • Are you in certain fear to get bullied anytime?
• Observe when you sitting alone or waiting in some area or waiting for your turn to come, do you have this habit of self-humiliation?
• What is the rating you give yourself in following:
  • Communicating in group?
  • Communicating with your relatives?
  • Do you get very nervous or freaked out when you in cynosure?
  • Do you believe in others first rather than yourself?
  • Are you extra cautious when you talk to someone to kill dead air if it exists while communicating?
• Things to take care at this moment, first thing first:
  • If first example fits in your life absolutely, then please from today and right from this moment itself, just stop calling those people as your friends. They are not, period!!

“WORRY ABOUT HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF, DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHY OTHERS DON’T LOVE YOU FIRST“

They are themselves suffering from very big problem called as “INSECURITY” which means they have that inhibition that someone somewhere going to pull them down somehow. If you don’t believe this fact, just poke them with smallest instance or habit where you they sounded like a jerk. They would immediately push you from that stand and push this topic to something else or where you are pulled down.

Even if you are worthwhile than them, they have always made you feel you are not and enclosed those words under beautifully wrapped gift package called as “you are friends or pals” 

They would make you wait most of time as whenever you are out or about to go. They would love to put you in some situations where you are left alone or with someone like you only

• It is the most common habit in certain group of people who do this and yes it’s a bad habit for sure. To self-degrade yourself whenever there is an opportunity to do so; this kind of habit takes you away from yourself and there comes a state when you start doubting yourself. That’s why I termed this chapter as “my believe system”
  • Warning for those: please stop this habit right on and start diverting your attention to something which is good memory for yourself ( meeting someone special, chasing a task and completing it, when you got an appreciation from someone special ETC)
  • Make a point or promise to yourself that whenever you are alone or with yourself, you would either study a book, talk to someone or would read something which would enhance your skills or thought pattern
• If you rate yourself less than 5 in all the points mentioned above, then it is a one more point to prove that you are with wrong group of people
  • Make yourself more open to change and accept people with some follies and try to join somewhere else
  • Make a smooth transition from existing group without a NOISE
  • Speak less when you are in group with those people ( first one)

• Why you behave like this!!

            It is important to note following points:

• Monitor this, your  speaking tone changes when you are with someone and third one enters accidently( and third one is from your group whom you call friends), if yes, then  there are things to be clearly categorized for you
• Even in parties or social event, you are conscious of people around you as who are looking at you when you are talking to someone
• Do really feel uncomfortable when you dress up nicely?
• Do you have outfits which you hate as those bring bad luck to you?
• Do you have days or time of the day which you consider unlucky for you?

If all of these i.e. approximately 80% are true for you then believe me you going to need a dose of SELF CONFIDENCE BOOSTER!!

Top Myths About Self Confidence:

• Introspecting within our self for pain point, looking to boost self confidence with this
• Reading books to gain self confidence without doing anything
• It has got nothing to do with your looks – most successful people or orators are not good looking but acceptance of them among people makes them smart
• Respect smallest decisions taken in life from now on – decisions are always based on pros and cons not gut impulse on the whole
• Most confident people are born with this quality – Hint: observe them closely if you can, their poise, their decision making or selection of words are very different from you for sure ( believe me- to some, this observation might surprise you)

When someone is ill, no one going to ask that person that are you feeling well or not, it is the person responsibility to consult medical practitioner about his illness

To me:

“Self Confidence is self Respect, the more you do, more you gain”

Matin Gyh